I originally posted this on my other blog over a year ago. I forgot about it until I saw Ms. Welch on television the other day. It made me think about her message...
So she was being interviewed, and let me say first that she shared no secrets, which is to say her surgeon's name, but hey, it works for her. What intrigued me more was something she said. She said that at a certain age a woman has to make a decision...is she going to stand by the sidelines, or "get in the game"? That hit home for me. She was referring to maintaining yourself/your looks or letting yourself go.
In a few weeks, I will be 41. The number doesn't bother me. I have never been one to shy away from volunteering my age. What does bother me are the sudden, not so subtle changes I am experiencing. From the inability to drop 5 pounds at will, to the "sharpei" sag around my mouth.
I have spent the better part of the last few months of mirror time examining my image and trying to make that all important decision that all women must eventually face, "to alter or not to alter". Thread lift, brow lift, mini face lift, botox, eyelid surgery...all of these are procedures that have screamed out at me from the other side of my mirror. Then there's "aging gracefully". This was something that I was fully prepared to do all through my 20's...you know, before the real aging process began.
I have noticed the "cloak of invisibility" that accompanies you once you reach your mid 30's. In your 20's, you walk into a room, and if your lucky, you turn a few heads. Then, as I approached 40 (and I speak only for myself, because as anyone can plainly see, in Hollywood, 40 is still gorgeous!), I noticed that less heads turned in my direction. Did I look unkempt? tired? sloppy? or ....dare I say it???? OLD?????!!!!
New face creams, perfumes, clothes...all of these things followed my revelation. Now, keep in mind that I am happily married. I do not measure myself in other men's eyes. That being said, I think most women, if they were being honest, would say that one of the adjectives that they would like to be described with is "attractive". I am vain and shallow enough to feel that way, yet embarrassed to admit it.
I faced this question dozens of times a day with each mirror, reflection, angle of myself that I faced. Should I learn to live with never feeling like "my old self". Should I accept this cruel fate? The fact that my mind and body would never match up. I feel great. I take care of my body. Am I that shallow?
I know that there are women out there who are the picture of confidence. They would shame me for even feeling this way. They would say "...to hell with what people think. Worry about what you think and everyone else be damned!" I wish I could but, alas, I do not. I want to feel desirable. My hubby says all the right things, bless his heart. There are times when I really think that he means them. Can he truly not notice the pooch of my belly when I lean over, or the droop of my face when I bend down. (That reminds me of a scene from Golden Girls. Dorothy showed Blanche a mirror and told her to watch herself bend over. Blanche said she would always be laying down on her back from that moment on!)
I guess it's instilled in you early. I also recall an interview of a fashion designer, or someone like that, when I was a young girl. He said something to the effect of what a shame it was that women had to age. He said that women were like flowers that bloomed only for a moment then the corners of their mouths turned down. I guess that really stuck with me.
So there it is. You certainly didn't expect that I would end this entry with my decision, did you? Well, I haven't decided yet. I have a daughter. I weigh the impact of my concern with my outward appearance with how it must conflict with what I try to teach her. I try to instill the value of a person's character, honesty and compassion for others. Yet, from as early as I can remember, she would put a tiara on, or hair barrettes and look at her reflection and say "Do I look pretty?" Just as I didn't teach her to "Mommy" her dolls, I didn't tell her to look in the mirror to check her hair. I guess some traits are truly there from birth. Are they gender specific? Do men worry about the frown lines and sagging skin? Well, that is an entirely different topic.
We are all put in the "game", like it or not, from a young age. We try to attract friends and lovers into our orbit. Is there a natural point where we are supposed to gracefully bow out and make room for the new players? After all, aren't we just starting to understand the rules?
