LonelyMomDotCom "Her Secret Life..."

I have hesitated posting this because I do not want for anyone that may ever read this blog to think that I live this lifestyle. As Seinfeld would say, "Not that there's anything wrong with it!" 

I do believe it fits here, though. As I have pointed out, I have a very bland existence and this experience was as unusual and out of character for my life, as this entry is for what I am trying to express or represent in my blog. 

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So, in the last decade, I have a had three real friendships that went south, and one potential real one...that turned out to be a farce, though it took me years to know it. Like a person's romantic relationships, I have found that friendships ebb and flow...in my case, to their bitter end.

I am starting at the decade mark, because that is when I started traveling in the "Mommy" circle. You know, those women that you meet based on your child's activities, or (at the time) class assignment. That is where this chapter in my life begins. 

My first attempt at friendship was with S. She was quiet. Our children were in pre-k together. We saw each other frequently, which forced the inevitable required conversation upon each meeting (kids, activities, lack of sleep). We started our friendship slowly but eventually grew into close friends and confidantes. As the year rolled on, we gathered our families often for parties or meals or just hanging out. Until...

One night, after a family meal, S and I decided to have a girls' night out. My husband drove us to a restaurant (so I might have a glass of wine) and dropped us off. We laughed. We chatted. We had a few drinks. I have no idea how much time went by before the conversation turned to this...

She started by telling me that she was a "swinger". She described her lifestyle in great detail. I was in shock.  Now, first, please understand, though swinging is not my cup of tea and I was most definitely surprised by her revelation, I truly would've gotten over that, had it stopped there. We would've have never had to discuss it again. I would've considered her one of the more colorful people in my life. Second, to this day, I have no idea why she thought that I was even open to this discussion. Our friendship had never even involved one discussion about sex. It had just never gone to that place. This was really coming out of nowhere. It was the next few minutes that floored me.

She spoke of how she gives her husband the thumbs up before he can "date" someone. (Though what she described was not dating.) She went on to tell me that before he could "date" someone, SHE dated them first. I kept trying to laugh her off, not really sure, at first, if she was serious. She WAS, after all, a little tipsy. 

Then, she started down the road of no return. She told me that I had had too much to drink and that we should call her husband and have him pick us up. I explained that my husband was coming. She was insistent that I spend the night at her house. This went on for what seemed like forever. I said no. I walked away for a minute and called my husband. 

I felt so uncomfortable. The way you feel when you are alone with a date and you feel like he has a different idea of where the two of you stand than you do.

The rest of that evening was uneventful. My husband picked us up and we dropped her off.  I was upset, confused and shocked. I told my husband. He was angry. 

The next morning she called to see how I was. Suddenly and without invitation, her husband got on the extension and said he wanted to take me out and get me a few GROWN UP DRINKS! (I still have no idea what that meant but that is what he said.) What?! I said good bye and hung up. I was certain that I was misunderstanding what was going on. These people were my friends, after all...or so I thought. 

I replayed the night and that conversation over and over in my head for the next few days. S called me relentlessly. I would not pick up or return her calls. Then, she started to drive by my house. I was shocked. This was what I would've expected from a man that I rejected. 

Then one day she showed up on my doorstep. She pounded for what seemed like forever. I am not a timid person but I was actually afraid. She screamed and yelled that she knew that I was "in there". I was so afraid by this point that I called my husband to come home from work. When he arrived, he found a long letter in my mailbox. It said how she needed me, among other things.  She continued to try to contact me for a few weeks. She even sent letters that had no return address...I only fell for that once. I have never seen her again. 

Of all of the things that a grown woman would expect to experience when entering a new friendship, this was not one of them.