Another new group, another bullying problem. There's one in every crowd, they say, huh?
My son is a pre-teen. He is small for his age. In most groups of children, he is the smallest...not that you'd know it from his attitude. He is a very confidant young man. I have instilled in him that he can do anything, despite what anyone says to him.
On top of being small for his age, he is a severe asthmatic. This causes a lot of problems for him. There are a lot of absences from activities when his asthma is acting up. I try to minimize his absences. There are times, when even present, he will be forced to sit out...even for a few moments, which makes him feel singled out.
I have spent more time then I had ever planned at his young age talking to him about human nature. You see, because of his small stature, and his quiet nature, my boy is quite often the target of bullies.
This started in kindergarten. I wasn't phased because I thought that it was the nature of young boys to have a pecking order. After all, I was a girl...I thought that I was a mother that was overreacting. It continued throughout the years, getting worse, as the other boys got older and bigger. I tried everything. I talked to him (walk away, laugh it off, ignore it), then I talked to teachers. When that didn't work, and the years continued to roll by, I started to talk to parents. This is where it really got challenging.
I couldn't understand why this continued to happen to him. He was quiet by nature. Through the years, he had learned to be quite the comic, in an effort to win people over that were making fun of him. Sometimes this worked, but when it didn't, it really didn't. He is kind by nature, the king of second chances. Whenever a child is mean, he still tries to make nice. He would say, when he was younger "I'm giving them a second chance." I would not discourage him.
He is smart. He reads and absorbs books like a sponge. He can memorize encyclopedias. Literally. I pick up encyclopedias that people offer. He can't get enough. I love this about him. I think that it will serve him well as an adult. Other kids do not. They use this as another reason to make his life miserable.
He's been assaulted physically, verbally, and through email. He has no Facebook accounts. He has one lone email address that he gave out to friends. Thank Heavens I check it first. (He is not even allowed to know his password. I sign in for him.) I was able to intercept it. He never even saw it. He was absent for a few days, ill, and someone sent him an email making fun of his asthma.
One child even threatened to bring in a gun to school. The principal gave him a "stern talking to." That was supposed to make me feel as though my child was safe.
Last year, as a result of this bullying, I had to pull him from school. The bullying had caused my boy to pull into the fetal position every morning and beg me not to make him go. After I dropped him off, I would cry. I did everything I could...called parents, talked to his teacher, even the principal said that it was out of her hands. She (and the teacher) said that kids don't fear adults like they used to.
Well I had fear. Real fear.
One day he walked out of school beside himself. He told me that one of the boys "grabbed" him in a private manner...in a private place...and laughed. He went to the teacher. The teacher yelled at him and told him that he knew better than to be near this boy. WHAT?!?!
My son was walking up the steps. The boy ran up behind him. To make matters worse, if they could be, was the fact that the teacher NEVER CONTACTED ME. I called her right away. No return call. I emailed her. She responded...THE SAME WAY. In an email, she told me exactly what my son had reported to me that she had said to him...he should just stay away from the boy. WHAT???
My boy never went back. My husband saw the bully's mom at baseball weeks later. She tried to shoot the breeze. My husband was beside himself. He told her that she obviously had no idea what happened. She didn't. THE SCHOOL NEVER CONTACTED HER. She was apologetic. She said that her son had problems. She told my husband that she would contact us in a few days. That was seven months ago.
Fast forward a few months. We homeschool. We pulled him from the scouting program associated with school and started anew. Nice people. Nice kids. Then one day, a few weeks ago...
He had a scout meeting. He came home covered with mud...but for his shoes. Yet, his socks were caked with it. What had happened? I asked him. He shrunk when the question came out of my mouth. I knew.
He said that he had been playing football with the boys. He was approached by the two biggest boys in the troop. The one took out a knife and threatened to stab him (What?? I tried to hide my horror so as to not upset him further and make him clam up or shut down.) Then after threatening him, one boy grabbed him from behind and held him while the other boy took his shoes off and threw them. (I could've cried.). Then each boy grabbed him (from head and foot), picked him up, carried him off to the woods and dropped him into the mud...leaving him to run around in his stocking feet to find his shoes in the wet cold mud. He was humiliated.
I was aghast. How could this be happening to the sweetest, gentlest, kindest boy I know?
My husband and I brainstormed. We would try to handle this quietly. We didn't want to make my son a spectacle. We approached the troop leader quietly. He did the right thing. He talked to the boys. We were satisfied that this was over. Then...
He came home from a scout meeting two days ago. The boy approached him on the sly. He told him that he'd better never tell again. My boy was afraid. So was I. In two days, they would be camping together. The boys slept in a different place then the parents. Here we go again.
I called the troop leader. He was not home. The camping trip was in five hours. I was worried My son would be alone with this boy all night in the woods. ALONE. I was not overreacting. I was not taking chances. My husband called the boy's father. It went well. The bully's father said that it would never happen again. Problem solved.
NOT!
Camping trip underway...currently...as I type. I received a call. My husband was stunned. The bully's mother had approached him and said that her son had done nothing wrong. She basically called my son a liar. Never mind that her son admitted what he had done to the troop leader when it happened, and he was warned. Now his story changed. The bully now felt empowered. Back to square one.
Now what?
My son is a pre-teen. He is small for his age. In most groups of children, he is the smallest...not that you'd know it from his attitude. He is a very confidant young man. I have instilled in him that he can do anything, despite what anyone says to him.
On top of being small for his age, he is a severe asthmatic. This causes a lot of problems for him. There are a lot of absences from activities when his asthma is acting up. I try to minimize his absences. There are times, when even present, he will be forced to sit out...even for a few moments, which makes him feel singled out.
I have spent more time then I had ever planned at his young age talking to him about human nature. You see, because of his small stature, and his quiet nature, my boy is quite often the target of bullies.
This started in kindergarten. I wasn't phased because I thought that it was the nature of young boys to have a pecking order. After all, I was a girl...I thought that I was a mother that was overreacting. It continued throughout the years, getting worse, as the other boys got older and bigger. I tried everything. I talked to him (walk away, laugh it off, ignore it), then I talked to teachers. When that didn't work, and the years continued to roll by, I started to talk to parents. This is where it really got challenging.
I couldn't understand why this continued to happen to him. He was quiet by nature. Through the years, he had learned to be quite the comic, in an effort to win people over that were making fun of him. Sometimes this worked, but when it didn't, it really didn't. He is kind by nature, the king of second chances. Whenever a child is mean, he still tries to make nice. He would say, when he was younger "I'm giving them a second chance." I would not discourage him.
He is smart. He reads and absorbs books like a sponge. He can memorize encyclopedias. Literally. I pick up encyclopedias that people offer. He can't get enough. I love this about him. I think that it will serve him well as an adult. Other kids do not. They use this as another reason to make his life miserable.
He's been assaulted physically, verbally, and through email. He has no Facebook accounts. He has one lone email address that he gave out to friends. Thank Heavens I check it first. (He is not even allowed to know his password. I sign in for him.) I was able to intercept it. He never even saw it. He was absent for a few days, ill, and someone sent him an email making fun of his asthma.
One child even threatened to bring in a gun to school. The principal gave him a "stern talking to." That was supposed to make me feel as though my child was safe.
Last year, as a result of this bullying, I had to pull him from school. The bullying had caused my boy to pull into the fetal position every morning and beg me not to make him go. After I dropped him off, I would cry. I did everything I could...called parents, talked to his teacher, even the principal said that it was out of her hands. She (and the teacher) said that kids don't fear adults like they used to.
Well I had fear. Real fear.
One day he walked out of school beside himself. He told me that one of the boys "grabbed" him in a private manner...in a private place...and laughed. He went to the teacher. The teacher yelled at him and told him that he knew better than to be near this boy. WHAT?!?!
My son was walking up the steps. The boy ran up behind him. To make matters worse, if they could be, was the fact that the teacher NEVER CONTACTED ME. I called her right away. No return call. I emailed her. She responded...THE SAME WAY. In an email, she told me exactly what my son had reported to me that she had said to him...he should just stay away from the boy. WHAT???
My boy never went back. My husband saw the bully's mom at baseball weeks later. She tried to shoot the breeze. My husband was beside himself. He told her that she obviously had no idea what happened. She didn't. THE SCHOOL NEVER CONTACTED HER. She was apologetic. She said that her son had problems. She told my husband that she would contact us in a few days. That was seven months ago.
Fast forward a few months. We homeschool. We pulled him from the scouting program associated with school and started anew. Nice people. Nice kids. Then one day, a few weeks ago...
He had a scout meeting. He came home covered with mud...but for his shoes. Yet, his socks were caked with it. What had happened? I asked him. He shrunk when the question came out of my mouth. I knew.
He said that he had been playing football with the boys. He was approached by the two biggest boys in the troop. The one took out a knife and threatened to stab him (What?? I tried to hide my horror so as to not upset him further and make him clam up or shut down.) Then after threatening him, one boy grabbed him from behind and held him while the other boy took his shoes off and threw them. (I could've cried.). Then each boy grabbed him (from head and foot), picked him up, carried him off to the woods and dropped him into the mud...leaving him to run around in his stocking feet to find his shoes in the wet cold mud. He was humiliated.
I was aghast. How could this be happening to the sweetest, gentlest, kindest boy I know?
My husband and I brainstormed. We would try to handle this quietly. We didn't want to make my son a spectacle. We approached the troop leader quietly. He did the right thing. He talked to the boys. We were satisfied that this was over. Then...
He came home from a scout meeting two days ago. The boy approached him on the sly. He told him that he'd better never tell again. My boy was afraid. So was I. In two days, they would be camping together. The boys slept in a different place then the parents. Here we go again.
I called the troop leader. He was not home. The camping trip was in five hours. I was worried My son would be alone with this boy all night in the woods. ALONE. I was not overreacting. I was not taking chances. My husband called the boy's father. It went well. The bully's father said that it would never happen again. Problem solved.
NOT!
Camping trip underway...currently...as I type. I received a call. My husband was stunned. The bully's mother had approached him and said that her son had done nothing wrong. She basically called my son a liar. Never mind that her son admitted what he had done to the troop leader when it happened, and he was warned. Now his story changed. The bully now felt empowered. Back to square one.
Now what?
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